Mixed Signals

“Your will, Your way, always!”

A few weeks ago we sang a song in church that had this lyric in it. I sang it with all of my heart and thought to myself, “God, let this be my attitude in every circumstance.” I’ll be honest, in the last week what used to be “Your will, Your way, always!” has begun to turn into “Your will, Your way, always?” I hate that this has become a question. I don’t want to have a questioning heart when it comes to trusting God. My faith is shaky, and at times it shatters. I don’t want my faith in God to depend on circumstances, but lately it has. I desperately yearn to hear God’s voice, but at times I come up dry. It may be because I’m just not listening, or because I’m not taking the time to be still, or as much as it hurts me to say this, it may because I’m refusing to listen. We’re such prideful people, aren’t we?  If something doesn’t line up with our plans, we just shut it down. I don’t want to shut God down, but I wonder if I do sometimes? Jesus, forgive me of that!

There are seasons when I get mixed signals. Everybody goes through those seasons, and as we walk through them we tend to become irritable, frustrated, and emotional. I’m at that point. I think I’ve taken my eyes off of the Prize, because I’ve let myself become distracted by things like doubt, fear, lack of faith, and lack of trust. I’m getting mixed signals because I’m trying to distinguish my voice from His, and I’m having a rough time doing that because at times my pride screams so loud that it drowns out everything else, including God’s voice. Life is a battle, listening is a battle, and being QUIET is a battle. My goodness, what would happen if we just waved our white flags and gave up our voices? If we surrendered our chances to talk, and asked God instead to silence our hearts and minds so that we could clearly hear His voice and only His voice. Heavenly Father, silence my voice and quiet my heart.