It Was There That You Found Me…

I approached You in a place of devastation-- lost, broken, always hitting a wall of frustration.

It was there that You found me and saw past my sin.

I was stuck in a mess and so desperately just wanted to find rest.

I kept hitting my end, again and again.

It was there that You saw the relentless cycle I had placed myself in.

I ran in a wheel going round and round, until I finally just gave up and fell face first into the ground.

I watered the dirt with drops of my shame and hurt.

It was there that You found me.

My life was all over the place with bits here and there.

I had given up on trying to get out and just didn’t care.

Your love shone light on every piece of my life.

You put me back together, and I found that hope.

Hope that reminded me I was going to be alright.

It was there that You told me “Arise Sleeper, wake up!”

It was at that moment I realized Your grace was enough.

When The Oceans Rise…

I’ve been sailing down this ocean for quiet some time, and have begun to figure out that it’s not going to always be a peaceful ride. The current is strong, and it always has the potential to whip me out of my boat and pull me under with intense force. I hate to admit it, but that has happened to me quite a bit recently. It’s not fun, you get sucked under and you can’t breathe. Then you remember that with just one word you can get rescued. Jesus.

I get pulled under by the current, try to save myself, and then remember that I can’t do it by myself. So I call…to Him. Every single time He is there to save me. Every time. Sometimes I ask myself if I’ll ever learn to just give something to God and LEAVE it with Him, drop it off and walk away. Friends, that is a lesson that I am learning every single day. It’s one of my biggest struggles. Thankfully, God is merciful, patient, forgiving…gracious. He knows that I wrestle with surrendering things to Him that are most important to me. He is patient with me, as I somehow always manage to drown myself in an ocean of worry and doubt simply because I become impatient and try to go for the plunge alone. He forgives me while I make mistakes and learn the hard way how big He is and how small I am. He is gracious with me when I run to Him with a repentant heart after trying to do something my way. And He is merciful with me when I deserve to be scolded but instead am lovingly corrected.

I went to the beach last week and thought through the many things that God is to me. I took the time to rest in His love, and as I walked along the shore I was reminded of something I heard in a song a long time ago. It seemed to fit where my heart was struggling then and where it’s still struggling now:

“When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm. Father, You are King over the flood, and I will be still and know You are God.”

Be still and know HE is God…

Brie and Isabel

A little over a month ago this sweet baby girl entered our lives. She is my birthday buddy, and I love that we can share that…as she grows up, and I get old-ha! She is her own little person, and is just a doll baby…I mean really….look at those cheeks! Could she get any cuter?

Before Isabel was born I had this major fear that I would have to forget about Brie once this new little one entered our lives, and that scared me. I placed this fear at God's throne almost daily, but I just couldn’t leave it there. The night before Isabel was born, I wrote her a letter telling her all about Brie. My heart shattered again as I told my future niece all about her older sister who was Heaven. Even as I write this  now I’m having to blink away tears. The way Brie impacted my life in the short time that we had her is something that I won’t ever forget. I described Brie to Isabel and shared my fond memory of her. I finished the letter, wiped my eyes, closed my laptop, and brought my heart before the Lord. I laid my fear of having to forget about Brie at His feet, and trusted Him that I would still be able to hold both of my precious nieces. I walked away from it, and didn’t look back. All I could do was trust.

On our birthday I held Isabel for the first time, and God touched my heart with such gentle love that it took me a second to wrap my mind around something that I saw in the face of this sweet girl. She scrunched up her face, then relaxed it, and it was in her peaceful look that I saw a glimpse of another little girl’s face that I won’t ever forget. I saw a brief glimpse of Brie, and it was in that look that my heart swelled with peace. I felt God just hold me close to His heart as I mentally held Brie and physically held Isabel both close to my heart. It’s difficult to describe what that moment felt like…it was just incredible. It’s amazing to me how God cares about even our most intimate thoughts that are buried within our hearts. He cares for us in such an enormous way that it humbles my heart. Who are we that He is mindful of us?

The Bookshelf of My Life

I don’t control my life. I never have, but for the longest time I convinced myself that I did. Even now I find myself reminding my head that even though I make plans, form little far off dreams, and begin organizing and shelving different paths I want to take, I am ultimately not the bookkeeper of my life, God is. He directs what books I pick up, which ones I open and choose to read, which ones I merely look at and re-shelve, and which ones I spend time reading and put back on the shelf after a while. Well, about a year ago I decided to stop picking my books out, but rather willingly take the books that God hands me. This hasn’t been an easy task. There have been times when I’ve fought God over a book. I’ve learned though if I just stop asking a million questions and fighting Him over a specific book, He will make clear why He chose that one for me. The only thing He asks is that I trust Him as I journey through that specific book. 

Mixed Signals

“Your will, Your way, always!”

A few weeks ago we sang a song in church that had this lyric in it. I sang it with all of my heart and thought to myself, “God, let this be my attitude in every circumstance.” I’ll be honest, in the last week what used to be “Your will, Your way, always!” has begun to turn into “Your will, Your way, always?” I hate that this has become a question. I don’t want to have a questioning heart when it comes to trusting God. My faith is shaky, and at times it shatters. I don’t want my faith in God to depend on circumstances, but lately it has. I desperately yearn to hear God’s voice, but at times I come up dry. It may be because I’m just not listening, or because I’m not taking the time to be still, or as much as it hurts me to say this, it may because I’m refusing to listen. We’re such prideful people, aren’t we?  If something doesn’t line up with our plans, we just shut it down. I don’t want to shut God down, but I wonder if I do sometimes? Jesus, forgive me of that!

There are seasons when I get mixed signals. Everybody goes through those seasons, and as we walk through them we tend to become irritable, frustrated, and emotional. I’m at that point. I think I’ve taken my eyes off of the Prize, because I’ve let myself become distracted by things like doubt, fear, lack of faith, and lack of trust. I’m getting mixed signals because I’m trying to distinguish my voice from His, and I’m having a rough time doing that because at times my pride screams so loud that it drowns out everything else, including God’s voice. Life is a battle, listening is a battle, and being QUIET is a battle. My goodness, what would happen if we just waved our white flags and gave up our voices? If we surrendered our chances to talk, and asked God instead to silence our hearts and minds so that we could clearly hear His voice and only His voice. Heavenly Father, silence my voice and quiet my heart.

Love Defined By LOVE

Today is Valentine's Day, and while at times it is, more often than not, over commercialized  with extravagant heart-shaped candies, cutsie heart balloons, and overly-stuffed pink, fluffy bears who have hearts on their feet and utter things like, "I love you beary much!" it is in fact a holiday dedicated to real, genuine, I-honestly-love-you, love. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need a checkmark in the box labeled "in a relationship" to enjoy Valentine's Day. It is a day to celebrate love with the one(s) you love, but what about celebrating the love you have for The One you love. Not Prince Charming, but the one who first stole your heart when He called you His.....that One. Love wouldn't exist without Him. You know why? Because He IS love (1 John 4:8). But what is love? According to Google, love is an intense feeling of deep affection...that's it? Love is summed up in 6 words.  I'll be honest, that definition of love doesn't explode my heart and make it swell with joy. However, this definition of love blows me away:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Patient. Kind. Not jealous, boastful, or proud. Not dishonoring, self-seeking, easily angered. Doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Doesn't delight in evil, but rather rejoices in truth. Protecting. Trusting. Hopeful. Persevering. Never failing.

That definition comforts me because I know that the One who has my heart is full of the same type of  love described in 1 Corinthians 13. His love never fails. It lasts FOREVER.

There is so much hope in that. So today while you enjoy candy, balloons, pink bears, and being with the one(s) you love, take time to also relish the love that The One pours out on you. Rest in it, sink it, and let the Ultimate Love sweep you off your feet and steal your heart.

Sarah {maternity}

I am just now getting around to blogging about the maternity pictures I did for my sister…funny thing is, she already had her baby (Isabel), and she will be 2 weeks old on Saturday! Man, I have a lot to catch up on :)

Here are the last few pictures of Sarah before she became a mommy for the second time:

                   

         

Isabel was born on my birthday last month, and she was the best birthday present I could have ever gotten :) She is such a sweet baby and a little cuddle bug! I’ll post some pictures of her later- she’s a chubby-cheek cutie pie!